GWAR Prepare To 'Go To Hell'

Legendary heavy metal band GWAR have posted the following message on their official web site:

"Everyone (except everybody else) was ecstatic when GWAR put out 'Violence Has Arrived' in 2001 — it marked GWAR's triumphant return to metal, and the world breathed a collective sigh of relief that we hadn't put out another 'We Kill Everything', no matter how much they might have enjoyed having sex with animals! Ecstasy turned to unbridled glee when GWAR put out 'War Party' in 2004, because it was obvious to all that GWAR was going to keep it heavy. 'War Party' led to the best year in GWAR's blood-soaked history — people were forced to accept the fact that not only did GWAR put on the greatest show on this or any other planet, but they were also a musical force to be reckoned with. Some 240+ shows later, GWAR returned to the frozen waste of Antarctica with a 9-ton crack boulder, ready to plan the next phase in their never-ending yet ultimately futile campaign to destroy the planet and escape earth once and for all. Well, the crack boulder is down to a mere half-ton, so it is time — time for GWAR to return to realms of man with a new album, show, and all kinds of other cool shit to appease your lust for all things GWAR. So here is a brief explanation of what to expect and look forward to in what is shaping up to be the biggest and sickest chapter in GWAR's crummy career of complete chaos.

"First up, GWAR and Slave Pit are as pleased as a pimply porcupine to announce that none other than the incredible Devin Townsend (STRAPPING YOUNG LAD, producer of about a million killer bands) will be co-producing the new GWAR record, tentatively entitled 'Go to Hell!' The bulk of the material is already completed, and recording at Flattus/Cory's Karma Studios begins in early April. Then Oderus and Flattus will travel to the semi-frozen wasteland of Vancouver (in the bat-shaped helicopter, of course),to mix and master what is without a doubt going to be the heaviest album in GWAR's discography. To ensure this every album will come with a large brick, that fans are encouraged to throw at someone. The concept of the album is the closest thing to a rock opera that GWAR has done since 'Ragnarok', and concerns GWAR's epic journey into the tunnels and caverns that honeycomb your world, a journey not only to escape their earthly prison 'from within,' but also to find and confront this so-called 'Satan,' who seems to think that he is a bigger badass than Oderus. Along the way GWAR encounters a bevy of demonic dickheads and hapless victims, all ready to die for your entertainment. The album will also have a special 'enhanced' section, with incredible behind-the-scenes footage and GWAR knows what else! Look for GWAR's latest and greatest album yet to hit the stores in September.

"If you don't know already, GWAR is confirmed for this year's Sounds of the Underground festival tour. GWAR will once again have the 'halftime show' slot, and the line-up is fucking incredible. And the best part? No fucking emo! So look for the dreaded 'Golf Cart of Death' on this summer's coolest festival tour! More or less around that time, Slave Pit and DRT will release a new DVD — titled 'Bloodbath and Beyond', this will be a behind and in front of the scenes history of all things GWAR and Slave Pit, including tons of rare and never-before scenes of consummate carnage. For example, you will witness the glory of 'Filthy Chunks', an unreleased porno movie filmed in the 'Scumdogs' era, starring Oderus and the Sexecutioner, and a previously unheard of video for 'Poor Old Tom', directed (poorly) by Oderus Urungus. The DVD will be hosted by Oderus and Sleazy in a completely retarded 'Siskel and Ebert' format. Yuks for all, you hump!

"And now for something completely different. A man with three buttocks. This one is just silly. Apparently GWAR has been awarded a 'Lifetime Achievement Award' by the Live Action Role Playing Society. This is a big deal! Tons of cool/famous/creative/completely geeked-out people are a part of this thing, and GWAR will be honored at a huge awards ceremony in Hollywood's Shrine Theater on April 29th, 2006. But that's not even the best part — the pre-awards party is going to be held the night before at the Playboy mansion, where GWAR will actually perform 2 songs! Somebody pinch me!

"Finally Slave Pit and Shocker Toys are proud to announce the release of a full-line of GWAR action-figures, meticulously crafted in painstaking detail by the very talented people at Shocker Toys. The figures will be released in three sets of three figures, and the schedule is as follows:

1) Oderus, Beefcake, and Techno-Destructo
2) Balsac, Jizmak, and Bozo-Destructo
3) Flattus, Slymenstra, and Sleazy P. Martini

"Each set comes with a Slave, various weapons, and whatever instrument the enclosed figure plays (poorly). The first set will debut at this year's San Diego Comic Con, with the follow-ups coming out soon after. There will also be a full line of 'Shockini' figures. GWAR fans play with dolls!

"Other even murkier events and products are lurking just beneath the horizon, so don't you fret, faithful bohab! As you go through the mundane, banal, and nauseating minutia that comprises the sum total of your life, the GWAR slaves are working their asses off, preparing the war machines that GWAR will utilize in this latest and greatest assault upon your planet and the realms that lay below it. GWAR is coming, down your throat, up your butt, and all over Satan's tits (all seven of them). Prepare human filth, GWAR is going to hell, and we're taking you with us!"